


Golden Wattle

by Danieladelucia



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Hurt Rafael Barba, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Public Humiliation, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Rafael Barba, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29938668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danieladelucia/pseuds/Danieladelucia
Summary: One of Carisi's hands moved to rise towards the center of his back "I understand this can be embarrassing-""It's humiliating.""I'm sorry this happened to you."Someone discovers Barba's secret and humiliates him at work. *𝗘𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲*
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Golden Wattle

Barba walked down the corridor of his office, his hands occupied by two different files that he was trying to read at the same time. Carisi opened the door for him and this allowed him to cross the threshold with a downcast gaze.

The first impact with the air in the room was extreme, his nose itched and there was a strange smell. He hadn't given him enough weight, he found himself thinking later when he knew the facts.

"You have lost my key witness, I will not go to trial without-"

He had looked away from the files to find his chair and froze.

Flowers. More precisely golden wattle. The room was full of them: on his desk, on the wall shelves, on the chairs, everywhere.

He couldn't figure out why they were there, he hadn't ordered them and it wasn't his birthday, so he doubted anyone had done it for him. He couldn't think of a single reason that explained the presence of dozens of those flowers in his office.

His gaze fell on the red number eight on the calendar and suddenly he had a very clear picture of what was happening: someone had known.

He could count the number of people who had bene told. He had been so careful. How could this have happened? Who did it?

Humiliation was what he was feeling. He narrowed his eyes to hold back the tears that threatened to fall and bit his cheek with his teeth.

"What the hell..."

When Carisi's voice rang within the walls he remembered the presence of the detective behind him who still had a hand on the door handle.

"Carmen."

The sound of heels on the floor signaled the arrival of his secretary.

"Yes? Oh ..."

Carmen's tone of voice seemed to be confused, at least he knew it wasn't her.

Barba frowned and stood with his back "Who sends them?"

"No one's been through that door since I arrived this morning."

He inhaled and exhaled before speaking "Get rid of it."

"Yes."

For as long as it took for not one of those flowers to be present in the room, Barba stood with his back to the door, his fists clenched and the taste of blood against his gums.

The door closed behind him and he let go. He placed his open hands on the desk and let his stiff shoulders drop downward, releasing the tension that had held them in that position.

He blinked quickly and a single tear slid down her cheek to his lips, leaving a wet and bitter path behind.

"Barba..."

Every single muscle in his back stiffened at the sound of his name "Why are you still here?"

"I didn't realize I should have left," Carisi's shoes made an unpleasant sound against the floor "I read the card."

Barba straightened his position "And?" Sudden anger replaced the humiliation he was feeling "What are you going to do with it?"

Carisi took a step back stunned by the sudden aggression.

"Do you want to blackmail me? I'll give you some news, others have tried before you and it won't work."

"I would never do that."

Barba turned his body to look at the man in the room and hiss at him "So what?"

He could feel tears falling and he forced herself to lean her face down, his gaze fixed on the floor. How humiliating.

A few seconds later a pair of shoes entered hefield of vision a few inches away from his toes. Before he could look up, he felt two hands push against hiz lower back and a moment later he found herself pressed against Carisi's chest, his hands clasped against the man's forearms.

"What are you doing?" Barba said with wide eyes.

"Calm down. It's gonna be fine."

Carisi's breath was warm against his ear.

"Get off!"

Barba felt his grip tighten and stopped all his attempts at rebellion, he was so tired.

"Listen to me," One of Carisi's hands moved to rise towards the center of his back "I understand this can be embarrassing-"

"It's humiliating."

"I'm sorry this happened to you."

Barba closed his eyes and gave small blows with his head against Carisi's right breastplate "Say it."

"Say what?

"Don't make me tell you."

They were silent and Barba was about to push away when the chest he was pressed against vibrated with laughter "Now, this is embarrassing for me."

"I can understand that. You may want to let me go for the next part."

And then the hot body pressed against him disappeared and Rafael had to lean against his desk to keep from sliding down to the floor.

He knew what was coming and was usually good enough to leave before it happened, but that was his office, where else could he go?

"I've been looking at you since you first entered the district, and you were so - so clever and beautiful-"

Rafael was about to open his mouth to speak, before the detective's words reached him.

"I wanted to ask you for a date, but you were totally out of my league-"

He watched as Carisi's hand reached forward and his fingers reached a shoulder strap before they retreated.

"Come on Carisi, say it. I won't blame you for looking at the situation and changing your mind." Barba said playing with the cuff of his shirt.

He had prepared for situations like his and his previous relationships had served as an example, so he shouldn't have hurt when the taunt would later come.

"What?"

Rafael looked up from his shirt to meet the confusion in the detective's eyes "That Is not what you're going to say?"

Another confused look "The fact that you are transsexual doesn't change anything."

"Oh." This was not what he expected to hear.

"What did you think I was going to say?"

Barba looked down at his hands and was silent. This was not how he had foreseen the conversation would end. He had been preparing for something that apparently wasn't coming.

His eyebrows tilted down and he looked back at Carisi "You said he would be embarrassed. Why did you say he would be embarrassed?"

Carisi's cheeks took on a reddish hue and the man put a hand behind his neck before looking away.

"I just said that I am interested in you, even though I know there's not a single chance- well, it's embarrassing," the detective's head snapped up "wait? Did you think ...?"

"Yes."

"Oh. No."

Carisi looked tense and nervous, one foot stretched back as if he were ready to flee if needed.

"So you wanted to take me on a date." Barba teased with renewed confidence, the Golden wattle incident forgotten in a corner of his mind.

"Now you don't need to tease me. I know I don't have a damn chance, I just said p-"

Barba moved away from the desk and took a step forward "Who says you don't have a chance?"

"What?" Carisi opened his eyes.

Rafael smiled, put his hand on Carisi's right shoulder and levered himself up on tiptoe, decreasing the gap their height created.

They both remained motionless for a few seconds, Barba in precarious balance and Carisi who had not yet taken the situation for what he was. Then something in the detective's eyes changed, a moment later he had an arm wrapped around the shorter man's waist to support him and their lips pressed together.

Barba slipped his cold left hand on the warm cheek of the detective who at first winced at the contact and then covered it with his intertwining fingers.

The height difference that set them apart could be described as fascinating as long as it didn't give you pain in your ankles.

Carisi sighed when he felt the other man's lips move away from him and when Barba's eyes opened to look straight into him, he smiled so hard he could feel his skin split in places.

"How about taking me to that date?" Rafael said returning to his natural height, his feet firmly on the floor.

Carisi bent down to press their lips together once more "I'll pick you up for lunch?"

"I'll be here."

Barba watched the detective reach for the jacket he had placed on the chair when they entered.

"You're leaving?"

"My morning suddenly became busy."

Barba raised his eyebrows in anticipation "Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Carisi slipped his arms into the sleeves of his jacket.

"Tell me."

"I just want to face whoever thought that doing this to you would be fun." Carisi's face suddenly turned serious as the man walked backwards.

Rafael felt an itch between his eyes and decided that he had shown too many weaknesses for a single day "Carisi-"

"It's Sonny. I'll punch our guy in the face and i'll be here for lunch."

"I don't want to have a file with your name on my desk, qu-" and that was that. He was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,  
> I don't even know why the fuck i wrote this thing. Yesterday i was studying and my mind thought write something like that would be a good idea.  
> Please people out there, be a nice human being and respect transexuall community, because it's the bare minimum. You're valid.
> 
> Btw, let me know what do you think about my work. Please keep your mask on and try to stay safe out there.✨


End file.
